UPP.INT.12.5. AWKWARD SITUATIONS

I. TALKING ABOUT AWKWARD SITUATIONS

1. AWKWARD SITUATIONS

Everyone finds themselves in an awkward situation at one time or another. Study this vocabulary for talking about awkward situations.

He was being totally offensive. It was really awkward.
She was embarrassed when he told her how much he cared about her.
There's a lot to consider in a relationship with someone in a far-off country.

I reassured my friends that I supported their relationship.

The expression get on with is British English. The equivalent in American English is get along with.

She gets on with him very well.
She gets along with him very well.

The phrase get on with also means to begin doing something. You can use it to communicate impatience.

I'm tired of waiting. Please get on with it! Here are some more expressions you can use to describe awkward situations. The phrase faux pas is taken from French. Note that all three expressions involve the verb make.He made a terrible faux pas when he asked her how old she was. She made a blunder wearing the same dress as the hostess. I feel like I'm always making mistakes in social situations.2. REVIEW: AUXILIARY VERBS The irregular verb be can be used as both a main verb and an auxiliary verb. As an auxiliary verb, be is used with a main verb in continuous and passive tenses.

They were getting along very well until he told an offensive joke.
She was embarrassed by him and left the party early.

The irregular verb have can also be used as both a main verb and an auxiliary. 
As an auxiliary verb, have is used with a main verb in perfect tenses.

He had told the joke several times before he realized it was offensive. Have you considered getting a new boyfriend? The auxiliary verb do is used in questions and negative sentences. Does he often make social blunders like that?She didn't see him again after the party. 3. EXPRESSING DISBELIEF AND SHAME Here are some ways to express disbelief (disbelief) at someone's behavior. He asked about her salary. There are some things you just don't talk about! You don't talk politics or religion at a party. Everybody knows that! For heaven's sake! How could he tell such an offensive joke? Why on earth would she mention his ex-wife? Culture note: Different people, and different cultures, can have different ideas of what is appropriate. It's always best to take a moment and consider your reaction. Here are some ways to express shame (shame). Note that shame can be directed at others, I'm ashamed of you!, or at yourself, I'm ashamed of myself.She's ashamed of herself for lying. What I did was unacceptable. I need to apologize. I really put my foot in my mouth when I mentioned her ex-husband. What an idiot I am! I completely forgot your birthday. I was so embarrassed for not remembering his name.

II. DEALING WITH AWKWARD QUESTIONS

1. MAKING SMALL TALK

When you meet someone for the first time in a social situation, it's important to make suitable small talk (small talk). Here are a few tips for getting started.

If you have heard the person's name mentioned before, you can refer to this fact. Notice also the replies.

A: Bob Taylor? Of Horizon Computers? I've heard a lot about you.
B: All good, I hope.

A: Hi, Penny. It's great to meet you. Jane has told me a lot about you.
B: And she's told me a lot about you, too.

Another way to begin small talk is to find a non-controversial topic of interest. Here are some expressions used for this. Notice also the replies.

A: I couldn't help noticing your pocket watch. It's lovely.
B: Thanks. It's my grandfather's.
A: They don't make them like that anymore.

A: I love the music. I take it you're a big jazz fan. B: That's right. Miles Davis is my favorite. A: Jane told me you're a keen cyclist. B: Yes, I am. How about you? A: Nice weather we're having, isn't it? B: Yes, it is. Although I heard the temperature's going to go through the roof tomorrow.2. SHORTENED SENTENCES In informal conversation, native speakers often shorten their sentences. This can be done by leaving out non-essential words, or by joining words together. In these examples, notice the words that have been omitted, and the words that have been joined together. A: Been here long?

(Have you been here long?)

B: Couple hours.

(A couple of hours.) Americans often use the simple past tense when present perfect would be grammatically more correct. This is another kind of sentence shortening. A: You eat yet? (Did you eat yet? = Have you eaten yet?) B: Nope. (No, not yet.) 3. DEALING WITH SENSITIVE TOPICS Some topics are sensitive, and what's appropriate can differ depending on the individual and the culture. It is always best to ask the person about the topic if you are in doubt. Would you mind if I asked you about your salary? Do you feel comfortable talking about your job? Even when you know the person quite well, you might still want to check if it's okay to ask about something sensitive. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Responding to this type of question will depend on the individual. It all depends. What's the question? Actually, I would mind. I wouldn't mind at all. No problem. I'd be happy to talk about that. I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable talking about that. Excuse me, but I don't think that's an appropriate question. If you are speaking to someone from another culture, you might want to give them some guidance about norms in your culture. Ordinarily, people in my country don't ask about salary. That's an inappropriate topic for conversation here. Just to let you know, some people might feel uncomfortable with a question like that.

III. MANAGING AN AWKWARD SITUATION

1. EXPRESSIONS FOR LIFE EVENTS

Expressions for life events

There are different ways to describe life events such as leaving home, getting a job and getting married. Many of these are idioms (idioms) and proverbs (proverbs). They'd only known each other three months before they tied the knot. She's in a bad relationship, and it's holding her back. Family comes first. Blood is thicker than water.She has a number of career choices. She doesn't want to put all her eggs in one basket.His greatest regret is that he didn't follow his dreams.All my parents ever wanted was for me to be everything I could be.Leaving home for the first time can be a bit tough. 2. CRITICIZING AND RESPONDING TO CRITICISM Criticism can either be direct, or indirect and more subtle. Direct criticism is usually perceived as more aggressive, and possibly even offensive. Study the direct criticism. Note that you would not speak like this to someone unless you were pretty angry at them. You shouldn't have said that. What were you thinking? You didn't! That was really stupid! How could you be so careless? I can't believe you did that! How rude! Indirect criticism is often used in formal or professional situations, and is usually perceived as less aggressive. It's not your place to tell her what to do. It was inappropriate of you to say something like that. You really don't have the right to criticize others. I don't think you should have been so hard on him. How someone responds to criticism usually depends on how they have perceived it. Their response might be apologetic, guilty, defensive or aggressive. Notice that the final example is especially defensive, and could be considered rude. I didn't mean to offend anyone. What I was trying to say was something completely different. I probably shouldn't have done that. What gives you the right to criticize me? 3. RESPONDING TO AWKWARD SITUATIONS Responding to awkward situations   When people are in an awkward situation, they can respond in a number of ways. For example, they can try to explain themselves (explain themselves). I was only trying to help. I didn't mean to upset them. They might deny (deny) that they did or said something. That's not what I said. You misunderstood me. Some people might even try to feign ignorance (feign ignorance) about the situation. I don't understand. I have no idea what you're talking about. Or they can apologize (apologize), which is very often the best thing to do. It was inappropriate of me. I apologize.

IV. WRITING A LETTER OF APOLOGY

1. APOLOGIZING AND RESPONDING TO APOLOGIES

When apologizing, we often include a description of what we did. We may also ask for forgiveness. 

I'm so sorry about criticizing your political views. I was way out of line.
I apologize for offending you. Please forgive me.
Please accept my apology. I hope you can forgive me.
You have my sincere apology. It won't happen again.

Here are some expressions for accepting, or refusing, an apology:

Don't worry about it. It's not a problem.
Thanks for apologizing. You're forgiven.
I accept your apology. We all make mistakes.
I'm sorry, but an apology just isn't enough.

2. COMPARING WITH "AS...AS"
Use as + adjective + as to say two things are or are not equal in some way.

He wasn't as embarrassed as I was.

Comparisons with 'as … as' can also be modified with adverbs or adverbial phrases.

The situation was not nearly as awkward as I had feared.
Her comments were nowhere near as offensive as she thought they were.
His apology was not quite as sincere as I had hoped it would be.


4. WRITING AN APOLOGY LETTER
One way to sincerely apologize for something is to write the person a letter or email. Here are some steps to do this. First, keep the greeting simple.

Dear Mr. Paulson,

Early in the letter, refer to the fact that you are writing to apologize.

I wanted to write you a letter to apologize.
I am writing to apologize for the misunderstanding at the meeting.

Then state your mistake.

I was way out of line accusing you of being dishonest.
We were all under a lot of pressure, but that's no excuse.
My actions were unacceptable. I hope you can forgive me.

Next, offer reassurances that it won't happen again, and you have hopes for better interactions in the future.

I can assure you that it won't happen again.
Please forgive me. I will not make the same mistake again.
I hope we can move beyond this.

Finally, close the letter with a suitable phrase, then your name. You might want to apologize one last time.

Again, you have my sincere apology.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Sincerely,